Living a life that's not your own

In the eyes of others

Here's the truth: Aside from your parents and 2-3 closest friends, nobody really cares about your life. People don't think about you nearly as much as you think they do.

When others look at your life, they mostly only think about it in reference to themselves (“how much money I’m making relative to him”, etc). Practically nobody cares about what you do per se.

Consider: How often do you think about all your neighbors/co-workers/acquaintances?

Almost never. You're usually pre-occupied with your own life. It's the same with everyone else.

A final thought about 'how you look': The people who matter don't care, and the people who care don't matter.

Memento Mori

Never forget: We're all marching towards our deathbed.

If we're lucky, we'll live a few more decades and then it's game over. Everything we love and hate will disappear, and no one will remember us after 3 generations, at most.

Steve Jobs had a great quote: "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

You were born with nothing and you'll leave this world with nothing. Whatever happens in between is up to you.

You can either create a life you love, or spend it living someone else's life.

Meaning

There's no inherent meaning in life. We are but arbitrary combinations of atoms floating in space creating drama in our lives to perpetuate the illusion that we - and our lives - matter.

Those who come around to this view react in one of two ways:

1. Nihilism: Life is meaningless, so what’s the point of living?
2. Excitement: Life is meaningless, which means there's no template I have to abide by and I can choose my own destiny

The good thing about life having no inherent meaning is that you get to CHOOSE what you want yours to be.

Some people find meaning in duty, religion, legacy, etc.

Personally, I find meaning in learning, exploring, discovering, enjoying life, being a net benefit to society.

You have the incredible gift of being able to decide what your life is about; Don't waste it. 

Many people don't even realize they have this choice. 

Goals

Since you get to decide what the meaning of (your) life is, you should probably choose a big picture goal that's aligned with it.

My life goal is to minimize regret on my deathbed.

As I lay dying, I don’t want to think “I wish I spent more time doing ____ and less time doing ____”.

I want to think: “I’ve done/enjoyed everything I wanted to. I’m content and ready to go.”

Almost everything I do - or don't do - is carried out with this goal in mind.

Games

Ultimately, life is a series of games (both real and imaginary) you play until your death.

The secret is to realize - to use a D&D analogy - you are the Dungeon Master.

You can choose or even “create” the games you play (within the rules of reality).

Most people don’t realize this and end up playing someone else’s game until they die.

My goal in life is to only play the games I choose to play, many of which I made up for myself (eg. my “game” as a slow traveling nomad is one I enjoy very much).

'Arguing with imbeciles on twitter' is a game I often choose not to play.

The games you play determine your quality of life.

If you don't know which games to play, it's a sign you need to try out many different ones. Eventually, you'll sense that a particular type of game calls out to you. That's when you find your calling.